


The Game

by annilucy88



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Emo, Implied/Referenced Torture, Introspective Sev, Thoughts of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7066675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annilucy88/pseuds/annilucy88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape reflects on the games he plays.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Game

**Author's Note:**

> A short Harry Potter ficlet, written in my gloriously angsty teens. I was...15? Possibly 16...when I first published this. It was just after reading either GoF or OotP for the first time, and I wanted to throw out my own little bit of angsty goodness as Sev went in to his role as a Death Eater and double agent once again. 
> 
> Please note, this was written before books 6 and 7 came out, so any inconsistencies with canon are due to this. I've edited lightly for flow, spelling, etc. 'cause hey, I'm not 16 anymore, but the content remains the same.

The acrid scent of dank air reaches my nostril as I make my way towards the shadowed house in the middle of the British countryside. The designated location point for yet another of Voldemorts Death Eater meetings. I look up, and around, searching for the faint hints of sunshine on the Western horizon. It's barely June, and I know the sun would not have set yet. However, I cannot find sight nor trace in the skies around me. The sun never touches this place. It's almost as if it's too evil to be contaminated by something like the burning acid of the suns light.

Once again, I prepare myself for the horrors I know I am about to face. I slip on the mask I have spent careful years crafting...the same mask I wore twenty or more years ago, the first time I faced the Dark Lord. I find, sometimes, my life is easier to think of as a game...some hybrid of many I have played though my life. Hide and Seek, Chess...I rattle the list around in my head as I make my way across the grounds before the house.

Just a game; Keep that which you have hidden away from the world, don't let it be found. Seek that which you have been sent forth to find, and then bring it back to those who sent you. Maybe you'll redeem yourself at the end of the day, arrive at Heaven and present your gold star to God and be forgiven. 

Or maybe it won't matter. Maybe I will die tonight, my dignity and sanity stripped away by an unforgivable curse. Maybe this will be my last night as a Death Eater, and maybe I will meet the end, surrounded by my fellow murderers as I writhe on the floor and draw blood on my bottom lip to try and contain my screams. Maybe this will be my last day playing.

I kick away the weeds overgrowing the entrance and begin up the stairs.

Just a game; there's one I know too well. My whole life, I've been playing a false role, showing a false face, to one sadist or psychopath or another. Loyal friend to a man, loyal pet to a monster, hated potions master to hundreds of impressionable youths who could turn out to be either. I am always pretending to somebody, and in all honesty, I would have it no other way. Twice now, the role has been dropped, the game disrupted. Once, in the kitchen of a dead family, surrounded by Aurous, my face hidden by a mask. But then, they didn't know.

In fact, the only one to ever know was Albus. It is strange to me, I suppose, that the man who was once my head teacher, and is now my employer has seen more of me than the rest of those who touch my existence combined. The only other to know, to really have ever seen me as I am, is one who I always swore to myself never would. 

Potter.

I still wonder; was was it _because_ it was Potter? Did I _let_ him see what I am? He knew I was a Death-Eater, he saw my memory of my father, he knew about my relationship with his. However, allowing the boy to see it made it more real. Admitting my weakness to another made it real. Potter made me weak. Again. 

I wonder if I had allowed the memory to play out, for Potter to view all which I placed in there...my first kill, my first kiss, the rest of that day by the lake...if I were to let him see all of me, and not thrown him away, what would he have done?

I wonder Harry, would you have seen me the way both our fathers did? Weak? Pathetic? Sniveling? Would I have been more real to you? Less like Voldemorte, like the cartoon cut-out baddie you think I am? I wonder, sometimes, do you fear me more or less because of what you know?

The heavy door swings open and I am allowed entry by a force I cannot see nor trust.

Just a game; Dumbledore crowned in ivory oak, Voldemorte in ebony thorns, I myself simply a pawn, stranded in the no-mans land, presenting conflicting colours to unsure players...men and women who fight beside me, but would turn at a moments notice. We thought the game was won years ago, when more white pawns fell, to make way for a child knight who placed the Dark Lord in what we were sure was check-mate. Until another pawn who we all had thought gone arose once more, and through the rescue of his black king, the game continues on.

The hallways and ceilings, once grand and lavishly adorned with antiques are now faded and dull. Pain and age old misery has permeated this house, sunk in to its very foundations.

Death lives here.

I play the game one day more. I open the door to the room, the mask firmly in place again...

Will the mask suffice for one more night of play?

Will it protect me if I have reached game over?

I greet the games master, and wait to see if I shall play again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm no longer active in the Harry Potter fanfic world, if you'd like to change that please leave me a comment and let me know! Or if you want me to stay away from your precious JK Rowling Darling, hey, let me know that too, all feedback is welcome.
> 
> If you're interested the original work can be found on my old Fanfiction.Net account, here's the link, please don't report me to myself for stealing my own work 'cause that'll be weird. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/1974623/1/The-Game


End file.
